Oh God. It hurts so much that I barely can stand it.
Well, I've always thought that I'm not so crazy over things. But life proves me different, no matter how hard I try. I'm like... okay. Smile. Be happy. Live. Support. Love. Don't cry over things that you can't change. Don't cry. Don't you dare to cry. But I still do. Over things that are meaningless. Most of people know that it's meaningless, there is nothing that I can do about this. There is nothing that they can do about this. And what do I do? I cry. Oh damn. Crying is like... really easy for me. I see something sad - I cry. I see something beautiful - I cry. I'm happy - I cry. Sometimes. I thought that I'm not THAT emotional and I thought that FINALLY I'm over one major thing. I thought that... FINE, I can't do anything, let's just see where the things go. And it was okay already! I could see clearly, I could think clearly regarding to this matter. But now... FEW SENTENCES and everything is ruined, so totally. And there is so much water in my eyes that I can't stand it.
I'd like to laugh. Be happy. Not bug myself with all these things, but can I? Nope. Not at all. No matter if I try. I can try, but the end is always the same.
And then there is someone that hurts me even more. Saying things that are believed by many people. And then I'm like... well, I'm different. I don't think like that. I can't think like that. WHY?! Because it makes me sad. It's like part of me - being sad. I don't know why.
And then I tend to push people away from me. Is it good for me to rely on someone that much? Is it okay if I tell what I think? Sometimes I have feeling that it's not. I'm too serious person. And wehen I'm really happy, don't think about future - everything is okay again and I feel good. But mostly... well, mostly not.
I whine a lot, don't I? In my opinion, I do...
Aagh, there are so many things that I'd like to say. But I don't say them. Only if someone asks really clearly. I can't say things that I don't like. Because someone likes these things. Or someone thinks it's okay. But when I say that I'm totally against it or I don't like it, someone may feel bad. And instead I feel bad. Because I don't want others to feel bad. If others feel bad, I feel bad to, so it doesn't even matter. Isn't it like this?
Sometimes... I write. It helps. I have a letter that I wrote to one of my friends. After writing this I laughed. I read it and I laughed, because it was so... I don't know. It wasn't important at all and I finally noticed it. I should write more. But... but still...
I want to believe that ONCE, even if it's only for a day, even these little, meaningless things would be fine, perfect. Even if it's for a day, please?
And... to conclude... Keep your head up. Let new ideas into your head. Think positively. Don't give up. Keep the faith...
Well, I've always thought that I'm not so crazy over things. But life proves me different, no matter how hard I try. I'm like... okay. Smile. Be happy. Live. Support. Love. Don't cry over things that you can't change. Don't cry. Don't you dare to cry. But I still do. Over things that are meaningless. Most of people know that it's meaningless, there is nothing that I can do about this. There is nothing that they can do about this. And what do I do? I cry. Oh damn. Crying is like... really easy for me. I see something sad - I cry. I see something beautiful - I cry. I'm happy - I cry. Sometimes. I thought that I'm not THAT emotional and I thought that FINALLY I'm over one major thing. I thought that... FINE, I can't do anything, let's just see where the things go. And it was okay already! I could see clearly, I could think clearly regarding to this matter. But now... FEW SENTENCES and everything is ruined, so totally. And there is so much water in my eyes that I can't stand it.
I'd like to laugh. Be happy. Not bug myself with all these things, but can I? Nope. Not at all. No matter if I try. I can try, but the end is always the same.
And then there is someone that hurts me even more. Saying things that are believed by many people. And then I'm like... well, I'm different. I don't think like that. I can't think like that. WHY?! Because it makes me sad. It's like part of me - being sad. I don't know why.
And then I tend to push people away from me. Is it good for me to rely on someone that much? Is it okay if I tell what I think? Sometimes I have feeling that it's not. I'm too serious person. And wehen I'm really happy, don't think about future - everything is okay again and I feel good. But mostly... well, mostly not.
I whine a lot, don't I? In my opinion, I do...
Aagh, there are so many things that I'd like to say. But I don't say them. Only if someone asks really clearly. I can't say things that I don't like. Because someone likes these things. Or someone thinks it's okay. But when I say that I'm totally against it or I don't like it, someone may feel bad. And instead I feel bad. Because I don't want others to feel bad. If others feel bad, I feel bad to, so it doesn't even matter. Isn't it like this?
Sometimes... I write. It helps. I have a letter that I wrote to one of my friends. After writing this I laughed. I read it and I laughed, because it was so... I don't know. It wasn't important at all and I finally noticed it. I should write more. But... but still...
I want to believe that ONCE, even if it's only for a day, even these little, meaningless things would be fine, perfect. Even if it's for a day, please?
And... to conclude... Keep your head up. Let new ideas into your head. Think positively. Don't give up. Keep the faith...
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